It's been a tiring couple of days and the epiphanies have been flying. Last night I was able to be much more calm and non-frazzled about the move and about a current relationship situation that is taking its toll. I was able to let go of things and just enjoy the evening.
Today I had some moments of Bing! when I realize that in a certain situation I am the one to throw shoes. Can you imagine?? Me? Throwing shoes at someone else? Gak!! That was a tough one. I guess it's cause I so badly want to convince others that I am smart and cool and interesting that I have been doing it at the expense of someone else's beliefs. Even though I am pretty anti-establishment, it's not right of me to mock those that embrace it. Well I wasn't mocking the person, exactly, but the etablishment itself, with pretty clear arrows pointing at the person in question. Not fun to realize you've been a jerk.
I was doing Shiva Nata today and thought how would I feel if someone came up and started making fun of it. It wouldn't be hard to poke fun at me flailing around following some guy in a purple jumpsuit. So maybe we all look silly to someone.
It's all a matter of perspective. So maybe that person who is causing me much grief is doing it out of her own pain, not realizing that in my world I am right and she is wrong. Just as in her world I am the one who is wrong. So.... can I have compassion for her? Can I open up and not judge? She is hurting far more than I am. Can I forget that in her pain she lashes out at me and just let her be?
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