Shaking (gently)

I had a great practice today. I decided to just start from the beginning. Level 1, breathing. I went step by step and was completely charmed by Transquarters. I'm sure I've done them before but I was captivated by their elegance this time. I probably skipped over them before.
I realize this is a pattern, the skipping ahead. I remember my Dad, annoyed that I had skimmed through yet another book, rushing to get to the end and missed so much of the writing and the beauty.
More patterns- focusing on being aware, gentle. In theory I want to be aware of the small things, charmed by a tree on the side of the road, normally unnnoticed as I rush by on my way... where?

Intention: I want to be more gentle with those I love. Not crashing through the underbrush making noise and roughness so I will be noticed. Is there a theme of invisibility? Afraid if I am not affirming myself that no one will see me? Perhaps calm and Sovreignty can serve me just as well. Not bending to others but not forcing them to listen either, to notice me. Perhaps I can just rest in the knowlege that there is one person who notices me. He is there, right next to me, wanting to be let in. He already loves me for who I am. He has seen the best and the worst and he wants to be close. I want to stop pushing him away because I am afraid he will see the scared icky bits. But he has already seen them and he accepts them. I want to open the doors wide and not be scared.
But my Monsters are there, trying to protect me in their own way. They get angry, they jump up and down. They yell. They forget what we agreed we would do, which is slow down and not rush (there it is! Pattern!!) to conclusions. We agreed to have faith in the promise of situations and be open to possibilities. I promised the Mosters that they are safe, that they are protected. Nothing can happen until we decide we are going to move forward. But the Monsters freak out. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
If someone says they may do something it means they definitely will!! So we have to react to the possibility of something potentially happening as if it were the actual thing happening and freak out right now!! Ahhhhh!!!