I was thinking about Shiva Nata today and wanting to do it and thinking I haven't done it in a while, and I realized that I feel very different when I don't do it. Sort of.... foggy. Like I don't really have a channel open to myself if that makes any sense.
Then I realized that I spend more time thinking I ought to do Shiva Nata than actually doing iot. Oooops.
So I am off to do some Shiva Nata now.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
What the...?
Today I was looking at the Shiva Nata DVD and decided to peek at the end of Level 1. I tried the first square with just the feet. And I was giggling because the phrase "What the fuuuuuck?" Just kept popping into my head over and over as I kept looking over my shoulder at the TV to figure out which direction he was turning in now.
After that I did arms and legs Level 1 with H arms and Level 2 with V arms. It actually went quite well. Surprisingly the one with V arms went better even though I feel like I know H arms better. But it's like my body knew what was next even while it was struggling with the legs that I was learning as I went along. Now I have to explain that I have never ever been coordinated or good at physical stuff so that is quite interesting to me. I guess it does help a bit that I used to study Karate and learn Kata which has a lot of putting together arms and legs.
So here I am. Committing to doing Shiva Nata regularly and somewhat obsessively. Why not? I am kind of working on Leap of Faith stuff in other areas of life, so might as well jump in wholeheartedly here! Intentions are to be open to possibilites and not let fear and judgements prevent me from getting out and doing. Like many introverts I think I spend a lot of time thinking about doing and absolutely none actually doing.
After that I did arms and legs Level 1 with H arms and Level 2 with V arms. It actually went quite well. Surprisingly the one with V arms went better even though I feel like I know H arms better. But it's like my body knew what was next even while it was struggling with the legs that I was learning as I went along. Now I have to explain that I have never ever been coordinated or good at physical stuff so that is quite interesting to me. I guess it does help a bit that I used to study Karate and learn Kata which has a lot of putting together arms and legs.
So here I am. Committing to doing Shiva Nata regularly and somewhat obsessively. Why not? I am kind of working on Leap of Faith stuff in other areas of life, so might as well jump in wholeheartedly here! Intentions are to be open to possibilites and not let fear and judgements prevent me from getting out and doing. Like many introverts I think I spend a lot of time thinking about doing and absolutely none actually doing.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Looking for space
Just did some Shiva Nata. I haven't done it since the move. The new living room sets up nicely, though I may end up banging my shins against the coffee table once I attempt legs.
Again I started from the beginning and did Level 1 up to V arms fast. Though I did have to slow it down a little and there was still much flailing.
Havi's post about Gaps and the finding of them came at the perfect time (for me). Remember that movie "The Girl, the Gold Watch and Everything"? It was from the 80s I think and the guy had a gold watch and if he pressed the button it would stop everything but him. So he could get out of scrapes and pose the bad guys in silly ways and then pouff! they would look around and he'd be gone. Well, that's exactly what I need. I would like to find a way to stop time between an event that rattles me and my reaction to it. I want to stop making snap judgements (which are unfortunately often negative) and not freak out. Sounds like Shiva Nata can help....
Today I was focusing again on Transquarters, thinking about all the links between things that we might not think are linked. I mean positions 1 and 3, 2 and 4 are opposites right? Who would think they'd be linked? So maybe that one situation/person that is really bugging me and is my "opposite" (as in my adversary) is really linked to me. Ok off to go for a run and let all this stuff percolate.
Again I started from the beginning and did Level 1 up to V arms fast. Though I did have to slow it down a little and there was still much flailing.
Havi's post about Gaps and the finding of them came at the perfect time (for me). Remember that movie "The Girl, the Gold Watch and Everything"? It was from the 80s I think and the guy had a gold watch and if he pressed the button it would stop everything but him. So he could get out of scrapes and pose the bad guys in silly ways and then pouff! they would look around and he'd be gone. Well, that's exactly what I need. I would like to find a way to stop time between an event that rattles me and my reaction to it. I want to stop making snap judgements (which are unfortunately often negative) and not freak out. Sounds like Shiva Nata can help....
Today I was focusing again on Transquarters, thinking about all the links between things that we might not think are linked. I mean positions 1 and 3, 2 and 4 are opposites right? Who would think they'd be linked? So maybe that one situation/person that is really bugging me and is my "opposite" (as in my adversary) is really linked to me. Ok off to go for a run and let all this stuff percolate.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Monsters everywhere
Here are my monsters, or at least what I imagine them to look like:
Here is Blue
And here is Larry
Wave to the nice Internet, guys!
Blue is kinda sad, and he's the one who says things like "See? I told you this wouldn't work out" and "this is a bad idea...." and of course "What if...."
Larry is much more volatile. He has highs and lows and gets mad and then wonders why he made such a big deal about stuff and feels bad and goes out of his way to make thigns better. He's a bit exhausting.
Epiphanies everywhere
I just read a wonderful post by Havi on her Shiva Nata blog
http://shivanata.com/blog/theory/oh-and-some-more-epiphanies/
and there's a comment from jessie in there that was absolutely amazing and hit me also like a ton of bricks. Pasting in here so I won't forget the beauty that is here.
"last week’s parsha was ki tissa, which i have always loved–the golden calf, betzalel, men with hearts of wisdom, whiny israelites…and this week, it really hit me that false idols (which i’ve been thinking of for years now as the demons of TV! and Consumption! and Celebrity!) are really things that we engineer to simply feel more secure. we make like the israelites, and beg someone else to make us something that will Fix Us and keep us from the horrible hungry monster of worry. Just something external that will help us stop thinking about the horrible gaping hole inside of us."
All my lessons since I started this have been about forgiving myself and others. Not judging, not feeling like i have to prove myself.
http://shivanata.com/blog/theory/oh-and-some-more-epiphanies/
and there's a comment from jessie in there that was absolutely amazing and hit me also like a ton of bricks. Pasting in here so I won't forget the beauty that is here.
"last week’s parsha was ki tissa, which i have always loved–the golden calf, betzalel, men with hearts of wisdom, whiny israelites…and this week, it really hit me that false idols (which i’ve been thinking of for years now as the demons of TV! and Consumption! and Celebrity!) are really things that we engineer to simply feel more secure. we make like the israelites, and beg someone else to make us something that will Fix Us and keep us from the horrible hungry monster of worry. Just something external that will help us stop thinking about the horrible gaping hole inside of us."
All my lessons since I started this have been about forgiving myself and others. Not judging, not feeling like i have to prove myself.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
More Epiphanes
It's been a tiring couple of days and the epiphanies have been flying. Last night I was able to be much more calm and non-frazzled about the move and about a current relationship situation that is taking its toll. I was able to let go of things and just enjoy the evening.
Today I had some moments of Bing! when I realize that in a certain situation I am the one to throw shoes. Can you imagine?? Me? Throwing shoes at someone else? Gak!! That was a tough one. I guess it's cause I so badly want to convince others that I am smart and cool and interesting that I have been doing it at the expense of someone else's beliefs. Even though I am pretty anti-establishment, it's not right of me to mock those that embrace it. Well I wasn't mocking the person, exactly, but the etablishment itself, with pretty clear arrows pointing at the person in question. Not fun to realize you've been a jerk.
I was doing Shiva Nata today and thought how would I feel if someone came up and started making fun of it. It wouldn't be hard to poke fun at me flailing around following some guy in a purple jumpsuit. So maybe we all look silly to someone.
It's all a matter of perspective. So maybe that person who is causing me much grief is doing it out of her own pain, not realizing that in my world I am right and she is wrong. Just as in her world I am the one who is wrong. So.... can I have compassion for her? Can I open up and not judge? She is hurting far more than I am. Can I forget that in her pain she lashes out at me and just let her be?
Today I had some moments of Bing! when I realize that in a certain situation I am the one to throw shoes. Can you imagine?? Me? Throwing shoes at someone else? Gak!! That was a tough one. I guess it's cause I so badly want to convince others that I am smart and cool and interesting that I have been doing it at the expense of someone else's beliefs. Even though I am pretty anti-establishment, it's not right of me to mock those that embrace it. Well I wasn't mocking the person, exactly, but the etablishment itself, with pretty clear arrows pointing at the person in question. Not fun to realize you've been a jerk.
I was doing Shiva Nata today and thought how would I feel if someone came up and started making fun of it. It wouldn't be hard to poke fun at me flailing around following some guy in a purple jumpsuit. So maybe we all look silly to someone.
It's all a matter of perspective. So maybe that person who is causing me much grief is doing it out of her own pain, not realizing that in my world I am right and she is wrong. Just as in her world I am the one who is wrong. So.... can I have compassion for her? Can I open up and not judge? She is hurting far more than I am. Can I forget that in her pain she lashes out at me and just let her be?
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Shaking (gently)
I had a great practice today. I decided to just start from the beginning. Level 1, breathing. I went step by step and was completely charmed by Transquarters. I'm sure I've done them before but I was captivated by their elegance this time. I probably skipped over them before.
I realize this is a pattern, the skipping ahead. I remember my Dad, annoyed that I had skimmed through yet another book, rushing to get to the end and missed so much of the writing and the beauty.
More patterns- focusing on being aware, gentle. In theory I want to be aware of the small things, charmed by a tree on the side of the road, normally unnnoticed as I rush by on my way... where?
Intention: I want to be more gentle with those I love. Not crashing through the underbrush making noise and roughness so I will be noticed. Is there a theme of invisibility? Afraid if I am not affirming myself that no one will see me? Perhaps calm and Sovreignty can serve me just as well. Not bending to others but not forcing them to listen either, to notice me. Perhaps I can just rest in the knowlege that there is one person who notices me. He is there, right next to me, wanting to be let in. He already loves me for who I am. He has seen the best and the worst and he wants to be close. I want to stop pushing him away because I am afraid he will see the scared icky bits. But he has already seen them and he accepts them. I want to open the doors wide and not be scared.
But my Monsters are there, trying to protect me in their own way. They get angry, they jump up and down. They yell. They forget what we agreed we would do, which is slow down and not rush (there it is! Pattern!!) to conclusions. We agreed to have faith in the promise of situations and be open to possibilities. I promised the Mosters that they are safe, that they are protected. Nothing can happen until we decide we are going to move forward. But the Monsters freak out. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
If someone says they may do something it means they definitely will!! So we have to react to the possibility of something potentially happening as if it were the actual thing happening and freak out right now!! Ahhhhh!!!
I realize this is a pattern, the skipping ahead. I remember my Dad, annoyed that I had skimmed through yet another book, rushing to get to the end and missed so much of the writing and the beauty.
More patterns- focusing on being aware, gentle. In theory I want to be aware of the small things, charmed by a tree on the side of the road, normally unnnoticed as I rush by on my way... where?
Intention: I want to be more gentle with those I love. Not crashing through the underbrush making noise and roughness so I will be noticed. Is there a theme of invisibility? Afraid if I am not affirming myself that no one will see me? Perhaps calm and Sovreignty can serve me just as well. Not bending to others but not forcing them to listen either, to notice me. Perhaps I can just rest in the knowlege that there is one person who notices me. He is there, right next to me, wanting to be let in. He already loves me for who I am. He has seen the best and the worst and he wants to be close. I want to stop pushing him away because I am afraid he will see the scared icky bits. But he has already seen them and he accepts them. I want to open the doors wide and not be scared.
But my Monsters are there, trying to protect me in their own way. They get angry, they jump up and down. They yell. They forget what we agreed we would do, which is slow down and not rush (there it is! Pattern!!) to conclusions. We agreed to have faith in the promise of situations and be open to possibilities. I promised the Mosters that they are safe, that they are protected. Nothing can happen until we decide we are going to move forward. But the Monsters freak out. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
If someone says they may do something it means they definitely will!! So we have to react to the possibility of something potentially happening as if it were the actual thing happening and freak out right now!! Ahhhhh!!!
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